Does Fifty Shades of Grey Have It Backward

Source: Joyce Snyder
Published: 2015-12-04
Summary: Despite fictional portrayals, wealthy and powerful men are far more likely to be submissive - not dominant - in the bedroom.

Fifty Shades of Grey has it backward, says Joyce Snyder: Successful men are far more often sexually submissive than dominant, and are aroused by being teased, humiliated, degraded, punished, controlled, and more.

Female domination of submissive men, or femdom, is a large, thriving subculture, says Snyder, author of the new investigative memoir Mistress Pussycat: Adventures with Submissive Men in the World of Femdom (Headpress, 2015, ISBN: 978-1-909-39425-4, $19.95,

Most Americans, unless they happen to be in the BDSM lifestyle themselves, would be shocked by both the variety of dominant/submissive practices and their widespread communities.

"One such group, ClubFEM, boasts 21 American chapters (with seven additional chapters worldwide)," she adds. "Their motto is 'Women Enslaving Men,' and they mean it."

Mistress Pussycat details the author's experiences when editing a magazine for submissive men becomes her latest work assignment. Snyder spares no sexy, startling, or (literally) painful detail as she describes the men she meets - and the oddly astonishing acts performed - in her newfound role as a lifestyle domme (only pro dommes are paid).

Here, Snyder spotlights just a few ways in which submissive men behave:

Success by Day; Slave by Night.

Across America, a number of men - many of whom are highly successful in their fields by day - become consensual slaves at night.

"These men voluntarily submit their independence to dominant women called Owners who can (and do) humiliate, train, restrain, and punish them," says Snyder. "Believe it or not, this lifestyle is rapidly growing, with one slave organization boasting over 100 chapters nationwide."

The Adult Baby Next Door.

Often called Littles, Adult Babies have no interest in actual children and are largely misunderstood. They gain satisfaction (not usually sexual) from wearing and wetting diapers and often engage in other types of age play like bath time, story time, and spanking with their "Mommies" and "Daddies."

"Here's what's most surprising: Many Adult Babies aren't maladjusted misfits," Snyder explains. "They're successful professionals, typically part of organized communities that hold Littles conventions like the one I attended."

Bound "Down There" by Male Chastity Devices.

You probably imagine medieval maidens forced to wear cumbersome metal lingerie. You certainly don't picture the guy in the next cubicle.

"But believe it or not, these fellows might be packing the CB-6000, the Buddy-Lock, or a similar male chastity device under their chinos," reveals Snyder. "One American company has sold these units in the high hundreds of thousands! The goal? Sexual satisfaction - eventually - as these guys usually have a cruel, commanding dominant woman as their designated key holder. His possible orgasm is strictly under her control."

Pay Pigs, Princesses, and Financial Domination.

Would you give money or expensive gifts to somebody you'd never met who called you "useless," "pathetic," or "a loser"? If you happen to be a male "pay pig" in thrall to a pretty young "princess," the answer is absolutely.

"While it may sound far-fetched, numerous men - many of whom are successful professionals with families - get an erotic rush from being financially manipulated (often exclusively online) by women who berate, belittle, and degrade them," says Snyder. "Many pay pigs become so addicted to their findoms (as they are called) it's the only way they can experience sexual satisfaction."

Baby Boomers: Still Leading the Sexual Revolution.

Far from prudish but not promiscuous either, Boomers are mainly curious - and their sexual escapades would put many of their children and grandchildren to shame.

"I was surprised to learn the extent of creative sex acts many seniors are practicing," Snyder admits. "While I've had sessions with younger men, many submissives can qualify for AARP benefits."

"These and many more femdom lifestyles are being practiced all across America - quite probably in your neighborhood," Snyder concludes. "Don't believe that females in the BDSM scene are usually bound, beaten, and submissive. More often than you'd think, women are the ones holding the key and whip!"

About the Author:

Joyce Snyder is the author of Mistress Pussycat: Adventures with Submissive Men in the World of Femdom. During her career in adult entertainment, she worked as a magazine editor, a journalist, and an award-winning writer/producer of erotic films.

About the Book:

Mistress Pussycat: Adventures with Submissive Men in the World of Femdom (Headpress, 2015, ISBN: 978-1-909-39425-4, $19.95, is available at bookstores nationwide and from major online booksellers.

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