Am I Gay? Questions to Ask Yourself

Author: Sexual Diversity
Published: 22nd Oct 2015 - Updated: 13th May 2022
Peer-Reviewed Publication: N/A
Additional References: LGBT Adolescents Publications

Summary: Information and test questions for adults and adolescents questioning if they may be gay, lesbian or bisexual.

Main Document

The American Psychological Association defines sexual orientation as an "enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, or affectionate" attraction toward another person.

Am I Gay?

This is a question that's often asked by young people, now there is much more openness and honesty about discussing male homosexuality and lesbianism. As you grow up, it is normal to think sexually about both the same sex and the opposite sex. Some people know exactly who they are attracted to, but others may experiment with sexual experiences, including those with members of the same sex, during the years they are exploring their sexuality.

Questions You May Be Asking Yourself to Determine if You are Gay

• Do I look or act gay or straight to you?
• How can I tell if I'm really gay or straight?
• How will I ever be able to tell for certain?
• How do I know whether I prefer women or men?
• At what point in their lives do people know what their sexual preference is?
• What will happen if I make the wrong choice and get trapped in a lifestyle that really isn't for me?
• Can you suddenly turn into a homosexual, or heterosexual, even if you have never felt or acted that that way?
• If I get sexual sensations when viewing sexual material of an opposite orientation, does it mean I am gay or straight?
• Maybe I really don't know what I am. Maybe I'll never know what I am. How does anyone tell what sex they really are?

If you are feeling confused, you're not alone.

It isn't unusual to feel attracted to someone you're close to or admire, like a close friend or a great teacher. But this doesn't always mean you're gay, a lesbian, or bisexual. Determining your sexual orientation can be a confusing experience, but only you can truly determine it, on your terms. There's no real test for it yet, so the most reliable method is to look at your history and feelings, and make an educated guess.

Some Reasons Why You Might Be Questioning Your Sexual Orientation:

• You may feel that you are attracted to people of the same sex.
• You may find individuals of the same sex to be physically attractive.
• You may not feel ready or comfortable, or interested in dating anyone of the other sex.
• You may have LGB friends, which prompts you to ask yourself, "How do I know I'm straight?"
• You may have received an expression of romantic, or sexual attraction, from a same-sex friend.
• You may find yourself falling in love with a classmate or developing a crush on an adult of the same sex.
• You may be experiencing a deep emotional connection with someone of the same sex, or of the other sex.
• You may be engaging in same-sex behavior, including kissing or touching, or perhaps intoxicated.

Quick Facts to Keep in Mind

First, you should be clear on your definition of gay, and understand that sexuality is considered by some to be a very complex issue.

• Not liking the opposite sex doesn't mean you like the same sex.
• A homosexual encounter does not necessarily mean that you are gay.
• Fantasizing about members of the same sex does not necessarily mean that you are gay.
• You can be attracted to multiple persons, and you can fall emotionally and/or sexually for almost anyone.

When examining signs you may be gay, ask yourself these questions

• Am I physically attracted to the same sex?
• Do I feel strong emotional bonds to the same sex?
• Have I ever been sexually attracted to the same sex?
• Have I had sexual same-sex experiences in the past?
• Have I considered having a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex?

When it comes down to it, there is no reliable "Am I Gay test", so the only way to know that you are gay is to look within yourself to determine your thoughts and feelings towards others of the same sex.

Some psychologists believe masturbation is a useful test for determining sexual orientation - gay people fantasize about their gender when they masturbate, whereas heterosexual people do not.

You might also want to consider the possibility that you are neither gay nor straight and are bisexual - or just curious. It can help to talk to other people who are going through the same thing. Find out if there's a young men's or women's group in your area for lesbian, gay or bisexual people.

The process of discovering sexuality differs for everyone.

The only person who can answer your question, "Am I gay," is you! And remember, sexuality is a fluid thing that can always change.

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