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How to Tell if a Woman or Girl is Leading You On

Author Contact: Sexual Diversity (
Published: 13th Jun 2018 - Updated: 30th Dec 2022
Peer-Reviewed Publication: N/A
Additional References: Male Dating and Romance Publications

Summary: Information regarding how to tell if a female is just leading you on and what you should do about it.



Flirting (coquetry) is a social and sexual behavior involving spoken or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper relationship with the other person or, if done playfully, for amusement. Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, open stances, proximity, and other gestures. Flirting may be done in an under-exaggerated, shy, or frivolous style.

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I'd rather be punched in the nose, kicked in the balls, and have my head repeatedly slammed in the car door before having my heart broken again by some careless woman who only wanted an ego boost.

It's important to recognize when you're being led on to save yourself from being hurt and humiliated. Being led on by a girl can leave you feeling used, rejected, and even heartbroken.

Many girls won't tell you they enjoy doing this to guys. It's not that she didn't want a relationship; it's just that she didn't want one with YOU. She was spending time with you because she was using you as a filler while trying to figure out how to be with the guy she wanted.

Reasons Why Girls Lead Guys On

It is important to learn why girls lead guys on before figuring out if you're being led on. Here are the biggest reasons why girls lead guys on.

Signs a Girl or Woman is Leading You On

She tells you she loves you

You almost believe you already have a relationship with her. She may tell you that she loves and needs you, yet she doesn't behave like your girlfriend. She blows hot and cold, and she expects you to cater to her whims and fancies as and when she needs your attention.

She makes herself appear helpless

She convinces you that you're very important to her and that she needs you. She makes herself appear weak and helpless without your advice and emotional support. She tells you she needs you, she's very close to you, and she doesn't know what to do without you.

Flirty phone conversations

There's more intimacy over the phone than in person. She may not always throw herself at you when you meet in person. But she's always warm and flirty over the phone or while texting each other. She may even get naughty over the phone or have phone sex with you.

The relationship with no name

She flirts with you and dates you but doesn't give the relationship a name. You may be intensely attracted to each other, but she still calls you a good friend even as all your friends wonder what's happening.

She wants you completely

She hates it when you give another girl any attention. She would even try to win your heart back and woo you with loving or seductive words when you start falling for another girl.

It's a secret relationship

A few of her friends may know you are close or are on the verge of dating, but none of her friends have any idea that something's going on between the both of you. It's a secret relationship, and she wants to keep it that way.

When you don't hear from a girl for a while, she's telling you to F' off

If a girl wants to be "friends" with you, she's telling you to back off. If you ask to go out on a date and you get anything but a clear yes and a day or time, she's telling you that there is something "wrong" with you. She's a "tester" and wants her ego boosted by being put on a pedestal and asked out, knowing she will turn you down.

You're fun to be around

That has "friend" written all over it. Even though she said she was attracted to you, that doesn't mean she's not attracted to other guys; remember that. She flaked on you because she wanted control. When you get excuses, it's safe to say she isn't into you "that way." Sure she will see you, but she wants it to be on her terms.

And then she wants to be closer

When you give her the space because she's distant, she immediately changes her behavior and starts craving your attention when you return. She tries to keep in touch with you and calls you often to win your attention.

She doesn't want to acknowledge that you like her

She's very mysterious when talking about your feelings. Every time you tell her that you love or want to date her exclusively, she'll smile or change the subject. Or, in the worst case, she may tell you she can't think of you as anything more than a friend. But she'd still lean in, wrap her arms around you and kiss you to make you feel better!

She blows hot and cold

She's friendly and close for several days or weeks, and suddenly, she ignores you and won't have time for you again. You see this happening pretty frequently, where she ignores you when she's getting a lot of attention from other guys.

She's distant

She's distant and aloof when you get clingy or try to trail her all the time. When you give her a lot of attention, she tries to keep her distance from you.

She may fall for another guy

When a girl leads you on, she knows you'd behave like a lost puppy and trail her even if she likes another guy. This girl leading you on may tell you about all the guys who are giving her attention, and she may even tell you about a guy she's falling for. It's completely acceptable for her to like another guy, but when you do the same or talk about another girl, she pretends she's not interested in hearing what you have to say.

She needs you when she's lonely

She comes to you only when she's lonely. She doesn't remember or cares about you when she's having fun. But when she's bored or alone, she behaves like she misses you so much and can't stop thinking about you. And it would be best if you made time for her.

She makes out with you

She may make out with you or cuddle and cozy up with you now and then. But how far things go in bed or whether you would even make out on a date completely depends on her mood and plans. You're happy with the scraps she throws, depending on how she feels at a particular moment.

She hooks up

She may date another guy and still give you her attention, simultaneously making you feel special and confused. Eventually, you don't care whether she's another guy's girlfriend; you want her attention and love.

She hasn't been in too many relationships

She claims to have dated very few guys. She probably tells you she's been in very few relationships too. But that's probably because she leads on most guys she dates and doesn't like calling them her ex-boyfriends. If you know she's dated a particular guy before, and she claims she never dated that guy, but they were just friends, she's leading you on, too!

What to Do About a Teasing Girl

Being led on by a female is a game many girls play. NEVER talk to this girl again. In the future, if a girl tells you that she isn't "ready" for a relationship or she is scared of being hurt (or anything remotely close to that), stop talking to her and move on. Not communicating with her shows that you can live without her, and you get your self-respect back. Girls hate that. If she contacts you, ignore her. Move on and hold your head high.

Date other girls, and don't put all your eggs in one basket. She burned the bridge for you regarding the relationship, but the small talk bridge is still open if you are willing to wait for her to let you cross. Remember, she wants everything on her terms. If you let her get away with that, then the main thing in common that you two will have is that neither you nor she has any respect for YOU. Don't stand for being played or led on. Move on and date until you find someone that will appreciate your worth.

How to Tell If A Woman Or Girl is Leading You On - Part II - Revisited and Revised by a Woman who was a Girl.

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• (APA): (2018, June 13). How to Tell if a Woman or Girl is Leading You On. Retrieved September 23, 2023 from

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