Author: Tsara Shelton
Author Contact: @TsaraShelton on Twitter
Published: 16th May 2020 - Updated: 21st Sep 2022
Peer-Reviewed Publication: N/A
Additional References: LGBTQ+ Coming Out Publications
Summary: Tsara Shelton, author of Spinning in Circles and Learning From Myself, writes regarding her reaction when her son comes out as being gay.
Back in 2014 my son, who was still in high school at the time, took a deep breath and nervously told his friends he was gay. Well, nervously posted it on Facebook. His plan, as he explained it to me later, was to post it and gage reactions, ready to say he had been hacked and it wasn't true if he didn't feel he could face the reaction.
When he told me about it I was impressed, surprised, and uncomfortable about the need for him to "dip his toe in the water" as he put it, instead of just be who he is knowing that who he is was perfectly fine. But also I was confused about something.
"Why didn't you tell us first?" I wondered out loud. "We're your family, I'm surprised you didn't tell us first that you're gay."
"Oh, mom," he laughed, "I don't have to come out to you guys! You love me no matter what. It's not something I felt like I'd have to sit you down and tell you. I knew my friends would have to process it, and that some of them wouldn't be okay with it. I never worry about that with my family!"
Well. Huh. That's a pretty awesome reason!
But, and here I would like to stop writing and leave it at we are all an awesome family.
But -
I did not behave awesome. I behaved okay.
At first, I just accepted it out loud while internally questioning.
Is he really gay? Or perhaps he is bi-sexual, clearly he has feelings for some of the boys, I've seen that, but he's had so many girlfriends. My goodness, he's had at least one girlfriend on the go since he was in kindergarten! And his freshman year in high school he had two. (He was not two timing, they were all in one threesome relationship.)
Then I started asking him. "Are you sure you're gay?"
"Yes." He'd say, easily.
"But all those girlfriends! Did something happen? Did it change, or are you maybe bisexual? Do you think it's a phase?"
I don't know why I felt the need to ask these questions in the way I asked them. I know part of me was worried that he'd paint himself into a corner by announcing "I am this" which is something I keep an eye on for myself and all my children, but there was clearly more to it. I was worried about him being gay in small town Texas. But I could have had these thoughts and concerns without questioning him. I could still ask questions, those are wonderful! But I wish I hadn't questioned him.
According to him he's always known he was gay but tried not to be. He tried to like his girlfriends, girls who chose him and insisted he go out with them, because he didn't think it was good to be gay. Around him he didn't see gay couples, none were in his favorite movies, his friends and brothers used the term as a punchline. So, sad and simply put, he tried not to be.
But he is gay.
And it is okay, it is fine, it is not at all something he should have to "come out" and say.
I was okay when he told me, but I was not awesome.
I hope others will be better than me.
I hope others will be awesome.
(Article continues below image.)
(Continued...)
Tsara Shelton, author of Spinning in Circles and Learning From Myself, is a contributing editor to SexualDiversity.org
Post to Twitter Add to Facebook
Latest LGBTQ+ Coming Out Publications | |
---|---|
The above information is from our reference library of resources relating to LGBTQ+ Coming Out that includes: | |
Do Say Gay: Inclusive Sexuality Discussions Between Parent and Son Significance LGBTQ youth perspectives on how or if parent-child discussions at home about health and sexuality sufficiently meet their sexual education needs. Publish Date: 7th Sep 2022 | |
Why LGBTQ Adults Maintain Ties with Rejecting Parents When parents have rejected them why do many LGBTQ adults struggle to keep relationships with their families despite conflict and heartbreak. Publish Date: 8th Jul 2022 - Updated: 16th Jul 2022 | |
Sexuality is Often Fluid If your child tells you they're gay don't presume they are jumping on a trend. Publish Date: 17th Jun 2021 - Updated: 6th Sep 2022 | |
When My Son Told Me He Was Gay Tsara Shelton, author of Spinning in Circles and Learning From Myself, writes regarding her reaction when her son comes out as being gay. Publish Date: 16th May 2020 - Updated: 21st Sep 2022 |
1Transgender Reporting Guide
How to write about transgender people.
2Am I Gay? Questions to Ask
Think you may be gay or bisexual?
3Glossary of Sexuality Terms
Definitions of sexual terms & acronyms.
4LGBTQ+ Pride Flags
Symbols of Identity and Inclusion.
5LGBT Awareness Dates
Important LGBTQ community awareness days, remembrance dates, and coming pride events.
• Submissions: Send us your coming events and LGBTQ related news stories.
• Report Errors: Please report outdated or inaccurate information to us.
• (APA): Tsara Shelton. (2020, May 16). When My Son Told Me He Was Gay. SexualDiversity.org. Retrieved November 9, 2024 from www.sexualdiversity.org/sexuality/out/900.php
• Permalink: <a href="https://www.sexualdiversity.org/sexuality/out/900.php">When My Son Told Me He Was Gay</a>