Body Language and Behavior Reveals Romantic Attraction

Author: University of Kansas
Author Contact: ku.edu
Published: 12th Feb 2015 - Updated: 25th Jul 2022
Peer-Reviewed Publication: Yes
Additional References: Love and Romance Publications

Summary: If you want to know whether people are flirting with you, look at what they say and do.

Definition

Flirting

Flirting (coquetry) is a social and sexual behavior involving spoken or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper relationship with the other person or, if done playfully, for amusement. Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, open stances, proximity, and other gestures. Flirting may be done in an under-exaggerated, shy, or frivolous style.

Main Document

Each person has a different tactic for communicating attraction or flirting style. New research suggests that during a short get-to-know-you conversation, people show they're attracted in a way that matches their flirting style.

"Researchers have long known that many verbal and nonverbal behaviors are linked to underlying attraction, but this is the first study to show that different ways of communicating attraction reveal a person's flirting style," said Jeffrey Hall, associate professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas. "How you flirt says much about what flirting means to you."

Hall, author of "The Five Flirting Styles: Use the Science of Flirting to Attract the Love You Want" (Harlequin, 2013), recently published a study with co-author Chong Xing examining links between verbal and nonverbal flirting behaviors in the March issue of the peer-reviewed Journal of Nonverbal Behavior.

In the investigation, Hall's team observed 51 pairs of opposite-sex heterosexual strangers who had self-identified their flirting styles in a questionnaire, similar to Hall's popular online Flirting Styles Inventory, available to the public.

Hall breaks down flirting styles into physical, traditional, sincere, polite, and playful categories.

In the new study, strangers interacted for 10-12 minutes and agreed to be videotaped.

"They sat on comfy blue chairs, and a coffee table was nearby," Hall said. "We had prompt cards to read with questions to help them learn about another person, such as 'what accomplishment are you most proud of?' These were meant to get the conversation going."

Afterward, subjects reported their level of attraction toward their conversation partners. Then, Hall and his team reviewed the interactions.

"One of the important things to keep in mind is that flirting is an outgrowth of your feeling toward another person -- something you can't easily hinder," Hall said. "When you're expressing yourself with someone you might like, nonverbal and verbal behaviors begin to reflect attraction, with a coy smile here and a laugh and a tease there, to clarify how you feel about a person."

Hall and his team coded 36 verbal flirting behaviors - such as making compliments, asking questions, and revealing information - and nonverbal flirting behaviors --such as leg-crossing, palming, leaning forward, playing with objects, and nodding. The research team found different verbal and nonverbal cues indicated underlying physical attraction for each style.

"We found that as people became more attracted to their conversation partner, they showed that attraction in ways that revealed their flirting style," Hall said.

The KU researchers noted people with the sincere style - who communicate attraction through self-disclosure and focused attention - were attentive and less fidgety during the short interaction. "Female sincere flirts laughed and smiled more and more frequently showed a telltale sign of interest - the coy gaze," Hall said.

The KU researchers also discovered that males who were traditional flirts (believed men should make the first move and women should be more passive) were more likely to lean into the interaction and adopt an open body posture. Traditional females acted more demurely by palming - or showing their wrists and hands - and gently teasing their conversational partner.

Perhaps the hardest flirts to read were the polite flirts, according to the researchers.

"A polite flirt tends to be very hands-off and respectful, but as you can imagine, this type of flirting isn't obvious to the people they're attracted to," Hall said. "They lean back, create even more space, and are more even in verbal tone. It signals a lack of closeness for most people, but the more attracted they become, polite flirts do it more."

The physical style didn't quite play out as expected.

Hall's group found that physical flirts - those who express sexual interest through body language - offered fewer compliments when attracted to a potential romantic match. Moreover, these usually self-assured physical flirts at cafes, parties, or busy nightspots, were a bit hampered from talking alone in a room, one-on-one.

"There's a good reason why the physical style doesn't play out in a conversational environment," Hall said, "That's not where physical flirts go. It's not where they're most confident."

But a few things are true across all flirting styles. When it comes to flirting, most people are pretty subtle. What's more, everybody does it differently. Because flirting is low-key and varied, we're often oblivious when people send us signals of romantic attraction.

Perhaps that's why Cupid's arrow misses the mark often.

"We're really bad at detecting if people are flirting with us," Hall said. "We're great at knowing when they're not interested. But the reason we're bad at seeing when they are interested is people show it in such a variety of ways."

References and Source(s):

Body Language and Behavior Reveals Romantic Attraction | University of Kansas (ku.edu). SexualDiversity.org makes no warranties or representations in connection therewith. Content may have been edited for style, clarity or length.

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